Timeless Torah

Peace had finally arrived in the Promised Land. In its wake, the expected hopes and fears everyone came to fruition. The Israeli mother breathed a sigh of relief. The American fundraiser stifled an anxious moan. For the soldier, it was a moment of triumph. For the donor, a time of trial.
Indeed, with no crisis on the horizon, the entire army of Jewish bureaucrats, directors, consultants, fundraisers, and executives found themselves with nothing left to organize. A campaign was needed, some mission with a sense of urgency to rally the troops. And so was born the Beit Hamikdosh (Holy Temple) Campaign.

From all across the “fruited plain” community leaders from every UJA (now called the UJC, United Jewish Communities) were invited by the Prime Minister’s office in Jerusalem to form the Worldwide Steering Committee. At the meeting, a $25 billion goal was announced by the Minister of Interior who, overcome by emotion, declared, “The Jewish people are forever indebted to you for your vision. This will mean seventy three million additional tourists in the next decade alone.”

In the State of Florida, the Jewish community was mobilized. Immediately, a Beit Hamikdosh Kickoff Dinner Dance was planned at the most exclusive and posh non-kosher country club. Shock waves rippled through the Jewish community. Traditional and Orthodox groups denounced the event as a religious affront. Rabbis declared that it was hypocrisy to rebuild the House of G-d by violating His sacred laws. But the Dinner Dance Committee was adamant and refused to budge. Still, in an effort to unite the entire community and heal the breach, a sub-committee was formed to review the issue. After several stormy meetings, the commission proposed various compromises and guidelines. 1) The treifa dinner should be eaten in the spirit of kashrut. 2) All wines should be Israeli so as to promote the homeland economy. 3) Fruit plates and fish dinners should be made available for those who still adhered to the quaint laws of kosher.

The evening was a huge success. The lovely Miss Israel 2006 was one of the honorees and received a standing ovation. One of the speakers, Finance Minister Shep Tzorres prophesied, “This will usher in an era of prosperity. Not only will the building sector be favorably impacted, this will have repercussions for many other related businesses.”

And, Jacob Goniff, the chairman of the Dinner Dance, proudly revealed a large bronze plaque that read, Florida Room. “This is the first time in Jewish history that the Beit Hamikdosh has its very own Florida Room and you can be sure that this memorial will be prominently displayed there.” He too received a standing ovation.

All seemed to go well, until the guest speaker Achmed Ahmaleki took the podium. “Where exactly are you planning to locate this Jewish House? After all, the Temple Mount is under the protection of the Moslem Wakf. The international city of Jerusalem is under the able administration of the United Nations. Surely they would not allow another Synagogue to provoke the sensibilities of the local Arab population. That would terribly upset the delicate balance that has finally been achieved. Gaza is ours.

The territories have all been returned. The Golan is a Syrian protectorate. As for Tel Aviv? A recent survey has shown that the secular Israelis there do not want to be bothered with all the religious Jews that would turn their modern city into a Jewish mecca for fanatical pilgrims....So how about Brooklyn?”
With that, the dinner guests began shouting. Pandemonium reigned! “Brooklyn! How can you suggest Brooklyn?” Surely Florida is the logical choice!!” And so another committee was formed called the ‘Sanctuary Search Site’ Committee.

In the meantime, worldwide Jewry raised the twenty five billion dollars. Indeed, more than was needed poured into the coffers. But somehow, the building was never put up. Of course, a final site was never agreed upon. And Mr. Goniff ... he still enjoys showing off the beautiful plaque that is prominently displayed in his living room.