Timeless Torah

We inhabit a reality defined by two basic states: being and naught. After all is said and done, everything boils down to “it is” or “it is not.” The “nots” delineate the parameters of a thing, establishing what it is not, while the “is’s” fill these parameters with the essence of what the thing truly is. This binary nature of creation is a reflection of the fact that the Torah, the “blueprint” by which G-d created the world, is divided into positive and negative realms.

“I am the L-rd your G-d,” the most fundamental of the positive commandments, is complemented by “You shall have no other gods before Me,” the essence of all divine prohibitions. “Love your fellow as yourself” is the positive counterpart to, “You shall not hate your brother in your heart.” Similarly, the Torah commands us to create life and forbids destroying it; it instructs us to aid the needy and forbids pressing them for their debts; and so on.
The institution of marriage as defined by the Torah also includes both an affirmative and a negative component. According to Torah law, a marriage consists of two distinct steps. First comes the kiddushin (also called eirusin, “betrothal”) whereby the groom gives the bride something of value (by common practice, a ring), in return for which the bride consecrates herself to him, with the effect that she becomes forbidden to any other man. From this point on, for someone else to have relations with her constitutes adultery.
Yet the purpose of marriage is not just to preclude others from living with her, but to effect a union between two people. This is the function of the second stage referred to as nissu’in (marriage), achieved by the chupah (wedding canopy) and yichud (private seclusion), which renders man and wife “one flesh.”
In other words, the kiddushin defines the parameters of the relationship, clearing a space in which it might exist, while the nissu’in fills this marked-off territory with the essence of the relationship itself.
As we said, kiddushin and nissu’in are two distinct phases in the marriage process. Historically, the kiddushin would be held at an earlier date, after which the bride continued to live with her parents as the couple prepared for the nissu’in, which was usually held one year later. It was only in recent centuries, when the tribulations of exile undermined the stability of Jewish life and often caused the sudden dispersion of communities, that it was deemed unwise to create a marriage-bond between a man and woman who would not actually be living together. Hence the present-day practice is to conduct the nissu’in immediately following the kiddushin, passing through both stages of marriage in a single ceremony.
Our Sages tell us that at Mount Sinai, we consecrated ourselves to G-d as His bride. This however, was only the kiddushin stage of our marriage. Our bond with our Divine partner shall be complete only in the era of Moshiach, at which time G-d and Israel shall unite in sacred nissu’in.
This is not to say that our relationship with G-d today is an exclusively negative one; as noted above, our commitment to Him includes positive commandments as well. But today we are only capable of establishing the parameters of the relationship, not of realizing its quintessential content. Today, our relationship with G-d is defined by our striving to unite with Him, but without the tactual experience of the union itself. We yearn for Him as a bride yearns for her betrothed, whose most rapturous feelings are but a faint intimation of post-marriage love.
For thirty-three centuries, we have been creating the space of our marriage with G-d and zealously defending its borders. We have remained faithful to Him in the face of all the cultures and “isms” that have sought to seduce us. Our struggle not to commit spiritual adultery and to remain pure has taxed all of our energies, thus establishing our identity as His people, consecrated to Him alone. But we are still waiting for the real thing, for an actual experience of the divine as the most intimate truth of our lives. It is this long-sought for marriage that will finally make us “one flesh” with the Divine.