Four Sons Drink Four Cups

When one grows up in a religious community, there are a completely different set of jokes and teasing one must endure. Therefore every Pesach I would brace myself for the annual taunt that some chacham (wise-guy) thought he invented. You see, I am the third child in a family of four boys. Thus, I was labeled the tam, the simple son who happens to be the third sibling in the Haggadah.

It was not until many years later when studying Chassidus (Jewish mystical philosophy) that I discovered hidden meanings that revealed another dimension of the four sons. Even the last child, the one that cannot ask was explained by the Rebbe Rashab (the fifth Lubavitcher Rebbe) as an individual who despite the many challenges in life has no questions. Instead, he appreciates the G-dliness and the good in everything he encounters.

As my studies continued, so did the revelations. The Arizal (Rabbi Yitzchak Luria) the father of modern Kabbalah in the 1500’s taught that the four sons parallel not merely the four Denburg brothers but the four cups of wine. This sounded interesting, something I could sink my teeth into (or at the very least, wet my tongue). So I began to explore further. This is what I found.

The first of the four cups is used to recite the Kiddush. The Hebrew word Kiddush, is related to Kadosh, which means holy. The wise son (son #1) is the person who tries to sanctify his life. His goal is to bring holiness into his activities and to spread holiness to all whom he meets. He is the Kiddush son of the Haggadah.

The wicked son is represented by the second cup of wine.  The main body of the Haggadah; including the four questions, the listing of the four sons, the history of the slavery, the subsequent redemption, the ten plagues, the song Dayeinu, etc. are all recited over this second cup. From this the Arizal inferred that our greatest efforts must be directed in reaching out to wicked son, supplying him with a detailed explanation and through this hopefully involve him in our priceless heritage.

The third child (me again) is the simple one. He lacks the spiritual drive of the wise and the intelligence of the wicked. He appreciates that which he can see and taste. His cup is utilized when we recite the grace after meals. His   toast is nothing more than a simple thank you for the excellent and hearty meal.

Finally, we come to the fourth son, the one who does not ask. Questions are for those who doubt and fear about the future. They cannot discern the hidden hand of G-d guiding events in the darkness of the long night of exile. But there are those rare individuals - the ones who do not ask - that see His presence and sense that He is always there leading us to future glory. They are symbolized by the fourth cup, the one that is used at the end of the Seder when we sing the Hallel, which is the praise one gives to G-d.

And from where do they take the strength to exult and proclaim their thanks? From the knowledge that although they may not have all the answers – they, being son number 4, are secure in their faith and unquestioning of the paradoxes that that pull at our beliefs.