Timeless Torah

Although there are thirteen positive and thirty eight negative commandments squeezed into this week’s Biblical reading, the most famous of them is undoubtedly, “You shall love your fellow as yourself.” Unfortunately, the last two words of that very same verse, “I am Hashem,” did not attain the same level of renown as its counterpart. I say unfortunate, because by adding this phrase the Torah is connecting the command of fraternal love with an affirmation of belief in G-d.

It is noteworthy that the Torah standard of loving others is the love of self. The Sefas Emes raises the question, where do we find that there is a mitzvah to love oneself, which would allow us to utilize that as the benchmark to love others? And if indeed loving oneself is not a “mitzvah,” but rather an instinctive part of human nature, then how is self-love a yardstick by which to measure our feelings for our fellow man?

Perhaps the Torah is affirming one of the very basic tenets of psychology and human nature: A self-hater is not capable of loving anyone. In other words, it is not that self-love is the measure of how much we love others; it is a prerequisite.

We all know people who radiate warmth and love; they walk into a room and smiles break out. Everyone wants to talk with them; to be with them. Conversely, there are other individuals who project negativity and bitterness. Their presence makes others feel edgy; quarrels and discord seem to erupt when they’re around. These people, who have the hardest time expressing their love for others, are the ones who have the hardest time accepting themselves. Their sour faces are not the way they feel about you, but mirror the negative self-image they have of themselves. More accurately, their external negativity is their futile effort to expel that negativity and hate from within. Yet, just as rotting fish cannot rid itself of its stench by imparting it to others, so too the guilt-ridden heart of the self-hater cannot be uplifted by projecting its bitterness onto others. Thus, the Torah teaches us that to, “love your fellow,” you must first learn to love yourself.

  On the other hand, healthy self-esteem, while perhaps a prerequisite to loving others, is by no means a guarantee thereof. To the contrary, it is all too easy to cross the line from self-esteem to self-importance and worse, self-adoration. One who loves oneself to the extent that he is blind to his own faults and shortcomings may find it difficult to find others perfect enough to be “worthy” of his love. So by being honest with ourselves, and acknowledging our own deficiencies (which I am sure most of us can manage without destroying our fragile self-esteem), we open the door to loving our fellow, despite his shortcomings.                        
Take, for instance, the energetic over-achiever. It is usually extremely difficult for him to accept those less energized than him. He naturally assumes that since his tank is always full and his schedule overflowing, others should behave in the same manner. However a little honesty would surely reveal that in other areas of his life, he too is lacking. Therefore by realizing that in his own way, he too is far from perfect, it becomes easier for him to accept the deficiencies of others.                 

While this may seem obvious, it is not always easy to integrate this outlook into our own lives. Our nature is to accept, and even justify our own faults. After all, we’ve grown up with them, we understand them, and they’re part and parcel of what we call “us.” Conversely, the shortcomings of others are more difficult to understand and accept.

It was with this in mind that compelled the Torah to conclude the verse of Ahavas Yisroel with, “I am Hashem.” If at times, our ego blinds us to our own inadequacies, we are to remind ourselves that perfection is the domain of G-d alone. To quote the words of the wisest of all men (thus, who are we to argue), King Solomon, “For man is not so righteous on this earth, as to do (only) good, and never err.”
Every once in a while one comes across this particular sign found in hosts of offices and businesses: “Rule #1: The Boss is always right. Rule #2: In case the Boss is wrong, see Rule #1!”

Perhaps, along these lines, we can “reinterpret” our Biblical verse to mean the following. Rule #1: <em> “You shall love your fellow as yourself.” </em> As we have explained above, first there must self-respect and love. At the same time, just as you love yourself despite your failures and shortcomings, extend to others the same courtesy despite their faults and foibles. Rule #2: <em> “I am Hashem.” In case you find yourself in a state of faultless perfection, see Rule #1, for I alone, G-d, am perfect. </em>