Timeless Torah

Though blood is thicker than water, family feuds occur in the best of families. Case in point is Jacob’s brother Eisav who just happens to be the grandfather of Amalek and ancestor of Edom (Roman Empire). As history records, unfortunately in blood and tears, there is no love lost between our two nations. Nonetheless, in this week’s Biblical reading, we are reminded not to wage war against Edom, indeed not even to trespass on his land. Similar restrictions apply to other members of the mishpocha - even distant cousins - against whom we are also forbidden to engage in battle. However the two case studies mentioned by Moses are in fact singular. In regard to the first family Moses proclaims, “You may not provoke war with Moav, for to the children of Lot I have given Ar as an inheritance.” These Moavites were the descendants of Lot, Abraham’s nephew. Their forebear, Moav, was fathered through an incestuous union of Lot and his daughter - who named him, unabashedly, Mai Av, From my Father.
But, as the commentaries point out, while outright war was outlawed, to merely antagonize the Moavites was permitted. The Moavites, unaware of this restriction hired the evil prophet Bilaam to curse the Jews, as they were simply afraid of the Israelites who had camped on their border.
The next relative fared better. Ammon, brother of Moav was also conceived from Lot having relations with a daughter. But in his case, Mom was too embarrassed to name the child in such a way that would reflect on her son’s illegitimacy. She therefore called him Ammon, which means Son of my People. In the merit of this woman’s modesty, the Jews were not even permitted to provoke the nation of Ammon.
All in all, Lot’s children were treated better than other folk. For example, no law forbade the Jews to taunt or attack the children of Ishmael, Avraham’s own son. In analyzing where there are different attitudes to our various kin, the Midrash explains: it was not Lot’s blood-relation to Abraham that held us back; it was gratitude for a favor once given.
When Abraham traveled to Egypt with his wife Sarah, the Patriarch claimed that Sarah was his sister. This chicanery was to prevent the Egyptians from killing the husband (Abraham) of this beautiful woman and sending her to Pharaoh’s harem. Lot was on that journey and could have divulged the truth. He did not. Instead, he went along with the ploy, which earned his progeny this reward: the Jews could not wage war on them. That merit, however, only stops the Jews from actual battle. Instilling fear was not ruled out. Why?
When Napoleon was fleeing the Russian Army after his defeat in 1813, he escaped to the farm of a peasant. “Please hide me,” he cried. “When I return to my throne in Paris I will reward you greatly!” The farmer quickly agreed and hid the emperor in a pile of straw. Moments later, Russian soldiers burst in looking for their prey. The Russians ransacked the home and barn and prodded the pile of hay with their swords, somehow missing Napoleon. When they left, the monarch crawled out from under his hiding place and reiterated his pledge. “When I get to Paris, I will call for you. I promise you anything you wish!”
Months later the farmer was summoned to an audience with Napoleon. After conferring a bag of gold upon the poor farmer the Emperor said, “Ask of me anything you want.” The man gathered his courage and replied. “Oh Emperor, I really don’t want much, just one small thing. How did you feel when they were poking their swords?”
For a moment Napoleon was stunned and then he flew into a rage. “Is this why you came? Is this the way you treat the emperor of France? Arrest this man,” he shouted to the guards. “I want him shot.” The man was bound and led to a wall in the courtyard. When the fellow was placed in front of a firing squad, Napoleon declared that he himself would lead the count.
“One!” shouted the Emperor. The soldiers aimed their rifles. “Two,” he screamed. The soldiers cocked their triggers. Suddenly, Napoleon held up his hand, walked over to the innocent man and whispered, “That is how I felt!”
Lot’s descendants were spared war because he did not hand Abraham over to be murdered. But somehow he never alleviated Abraham’s fears. Kindness must be done with graciousness. And if Lot was truly supportive, his unwaveringness should have been felt by his uncle. It was not. So Lot may have spared Abraham death, but he did not spare him the fear of it. Consequently, the Moavites, while guaranteed freedom from war are made to suffer the anxiety of fear!
Moral: If you are going to help someone out, don’t let him sweat until you do.