Timeless Torah

What is the single most important thing we can spend on our loved ones? Time. The only commodity we cannot reproduce or recreate, we squander away on television, hobbies, sports, politics, and vacations. It often seems to me, that we would rather be busy with almost any other activity, so long as we don’t have to spend some quiet quality time with our own children. Imagine your family dynamic, if you would just spend on your children half the amount of money for soon-to-be-forgotten toys and double the amount of time that you currently do.

Everyone needs, and deserves, attention. But regarding our own flseh and blood, they deserve it a little bit more. This lesson is actually brought to us by way of your not-so-favorite Pharoah.
On the verse, “Vayehi - And it was when Pharoah sent out the nation,” the Midrash comments that the expression “Vayehi” is related to the phrase ‘Oy Vai’, meaning ‘to cry out’. Concerning the question, “Who cried out?” the Midrash answers that it was Pharoah himself who screamed.

A fascinating parable explains the reason for Pharaoh’s anguish. The king’s son was spending some time at the home of a wealthy person. When the King heard where the prince was staying, he corresponded with this person and asked him to send the prince home. The householder ignored the request. The King sent more letters, all of which were ignored. Finally the King went himself to bring his child home.
At that point, the wealthy person began to cry. When asked by his neighbors, “Why are you moaning?” he responded, “I had a great honor in hosting the prince. The King corresponded with me and took an intense interest in what was happening in my home. Now that the prince no longer resides with me, the monarch will have no interest in me whatsoever. That is why I cry.”

That is how Pharoah felt. As long as the Jews were in Egypt, G-d kept sending him messages. But now the correspondence with the Master of the World had come to an end. “Oy Vay,” exclaimed Pharoah, “I sent out the Jews and lost my dialogue with G-d.”

Was Pharoah a masochist? Did he miss all those ‘friendly packages’ that G-d was sending to him, like the Blood, Frogs, Lice, etc? Did he love getting beaten up. So why did he cry out?

Human beings need to feel wanted. They need to feel, “I am somebody. Somebody notices me.” This axiom is so rooted in our nature that even negative notice is better than no notice.

A young man once stopped coming to services. A friend asked, “What happened? Don’t you pray anymore?” The young man responded, “Of course, it’s just that I switched synagogues.” When queried, “Why?” the fellow answered, “This way maybe my local Rabbi will notice me.”

Children sometimes ‘act out’, because that way they are at least noticed. We all have a choice. We can either give our children positive attention. If not, we might have to give them negative attention. This is the lesson of the Midrash. Pharoah would rather be beaten over the head, than not be noticed at all.

I often hear from parents at school how busy they are. “When you add up the pressures in the office and the bills sthat have to be paid, to all the social commitments, plus some time at the gym to keep in shape...where do you expect me to find time for my children? It just doesn’t exist!”
I am the first to admit that we do indeed lead, not just busy, but hectic lives today. Therefore the only way to make the time for things that are important to us is by employing the Jar Parable. Let me explain.

We have some stones and pebbles that we wish to put into a jar, some large and some small. If we first place all the small pebbles into the jar, the big stones will not fit. A better way of doing it is to put the larger stones in first, and then let the small pebbles work their way in around them.
If spending time with our family is truly important to us, then our family should be the largest stone amongst all the stones and pebbles that we’re going to fit into the jar. At the beginning of the year, month, week and day we should take this large stone of time - time for our family - and designate certain hours and certain days in our diary and calendar. Now the stone is in the jar; these hours no longer exist, they’ve been dedicated to the family.

Then we can proceed to insert all the little pebbles consisting of appointments, shopping, etc. (It is highly probable that when adjoined all together, the little pebbles may be quantitatively bigger in time than the large family stone. Still, in terms of our priorities they’re the little pebbles.) Surprisingly enough, you will discover that all or most of the little pebbles will still fit in to your schedule.

People complain on their deathbed that they wished they had spent more time with their family. Have you ever heard of anyone saying that they wished they had spent more time in the office. So spend your time wisely today. Tomorrow may not be yours to give.